Revision: Persuasion Essay

As stated before, in my particular situation I had to have my cousin (a cheerleader here at Sac State) revise my paper. Though we do a lot of air headed things together I trust that he is knowledgeable enough to revise my paper and give good feedback.Initially I had him read over about two times or so, before I actually accepted my paper back. Again I do struggle with making my thoughts stretch into the needed length so I chose to have more details in order to body my explanations more. I also chose to add in maybe one or two counterarguments within the bodies of my essay only because not only does it add length but it shows that i can also be open minded to the other side of my opinion. I feel that it made my paper a better on because it made the language within my essay stronger, in other words it made my argument more believable.The only thing that i can say that I wish I was there on revision day so that I could have asked more questions regarding the content of my paper. There is still more to be done with my essay but i do plan on revising it more to the best of my ability without being repetitive.